There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
