i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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