it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
