I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
