Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
