We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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