if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
