Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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