i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
