last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Drake has all the answers
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
