If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This house was built for laser tag.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
