Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
