alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
