I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
