Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
