I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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