Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman

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(562): View more from California

glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore

Fav 26 1008 1163
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(281): View more from Texas

I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.

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(702): View more from Nevada

what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.

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(347): View more from New York

the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.

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(347): View more from New York

And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.

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