the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Randomize
