smell my finger.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
