morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
should my penis look like a turkey
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
