I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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