I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
