OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
