You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All I want is dick and wine.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
