it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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