How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
