I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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