dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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