dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
