it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
