Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
