I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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