how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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