I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
