I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
