You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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