I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
