Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
