I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
