My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
