Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm sobbing to NWA
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
