You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
