You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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