I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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