I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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