My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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