its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Mom said you looked used
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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