Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well you can't waste a boner
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
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You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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