I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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