I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
