i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
