I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
