i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
