Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
