Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
