I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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