She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
