i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
