TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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