Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
