Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
