The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
