why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
