You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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