She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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