He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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