If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
