remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
