she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
