Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
