Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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